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Rod & Sunny: Photo by Bob Gentry
8/5/1999
A Thought for Today
Modesty has great payoffs. Don't trumpet your
accomplishments they will always seem more important when people find out about them for themselves.
Because I've been open and willing to talk about Clinical Depression I receive a lot of mail concerning it. Today's Flight Plan includes that topic, the first announcement of a new album and other assorted tid bits.
DEPRESSION
Rod, I have been a follower of your heartfelt works for many years. How do you cope with being so sensitive? Is that the reason for your depression, sensitivity?
What can someone do for a loved one who is going through depression? I want to do the right
thing, as a friend. You are
special. Thanks for touching my life for so many years. Nancy
Dear Nancy, Depression takes many forms. Mine was a Clinical Depression, so there was seemingly no reason for it. While the effect was correctly diagnosed, there is no way to correctly figure out the cause, which is why it's called clinical.
I certainly had nothing to be depressed about. I was successful professionally, at the top of my game as far as my
writing craft was concerned and I was experiencing no unusual bumps or problems in my private life.
I don't really think of myself as being any more sensitive than the next guy. Anyway, sensitivity is nothing anyone has to cope with; it's an admirable trait. Most men have a sensitive side, some just never get the chance to show it. I doubt very much that any sensitivity I might have contributed to my problem. Again, it's a condition that can be diagnosed, but its origins are vague. I was determined to kick it and after a long and difficult struggle I'm back with a new appreciation for life and seemingly
no residual effects, other than a great loss of potentially productive time.
There are many kinds on depression, and fortunately just as many treatments and medication for it. I would urge your friend to get a diagnosis as soon as possible. Depression, like any other illness, is nothing to be ashamed of. Many famous, successful and productive people have suffered from it and kicked it. I've written about it before in this space so you might check out the archives for further information. Tipper Gore, having survived depression, has become one of the leading advocates for understanding and treatment of it.
What you can do for your friend is continue to be a supportive and good friend. Warmly, Rod
ONE MORE TIME
Dear Rod, I lived for many years (18) with a full blown manic depressive who was deep in the Abyss for most of that time. He gave up his
art, a brilliant guitarist/songwriter, because the depression crippled him and he literally couldn't even find the WILL to pick up the
guitar.
Were you able to write in all those years when Depression took its hold? Did you ever fear that you might never write again. ( I don't know what I would do if I was not able to write) and how did you deal with that?
And, (yes I know, it is three questions, but I've never asked one before) If you COULDN"T write, or sing or act.... what would you have LIKED to have done with your life? Love
and Other Bruises, Coral
Dear Coral, When my depression took hold I had a hard time even getting up in the morning. From the time I woke up to the time I struggled to get back to sleep it was as though there was a huge weight on my shoulders that I couldn't shake off.
For months at a time I never left the house or the yard. Didn't answer mail or the telephone. (To this day I dislike talking on the phone and won't unless I absolutely have to. Very few people have my number and most know better than to use it.)
Believe it or not getting a Mac was a great form of therapy. It was a place to retreat to while still being connected to the world. It was pretty anti-social behavior and I lost friends and didn't care much whether I had a career or not.
I never really stopped writing, but I did stop publishing what I wrote or showing it to anyone. I felt no need to share because I didn't feel I had anything worth sharing. There was no desire to impress anyone, nor did I feel I was capable of doing so.
My depression took me completely down. I didn't get down on others or the world but I felt so inadequate and unable to cope that I certainly didn't want to be with people. At times I actually felt it was a virus or condition I might easily pass on to others. I certainly didn't feel like inflicting my mood on anyone else.
Suicide was never an option, I'm too curious about tomorrow for that. I didn't wallow in self-pity or blame my condition on others. I just couldn't figure out what the hell was happening to me. Ultimately I realized that I had to take charge of my life and not let some 'thing' rule me. That's when the turn around started.
No, Coral, I don't think I ever stopped working, I'm too compulsive for that. Work, any kind of work, is too much a part of my life and routine. That's what I do. It just became harder to start anything and fewer projects started were completed.
I haven't looked at much of the work I did during the period I was wholly under the influence of depression and have no morbid desire to do so. I've even made sure that when I die, it dies with me.
Now to your next question. If for some reason I couldn't write or compose or perform any more (that will never happen) something else would come along for me to do. And I would do it. I have never been out of work a day in my life and when there was no work I manufactured work. Until a few years ago I thought everyone else operated that way, and you know what? I'm surprised they don't.
Finally if I had no talent for any of the above I'm pretty sure I'd have become a game warden or a park ranger. Something that necessitated my being outdoors and near animals. Something that brought me as near the earth and nature as possible.
Writing it down probably makes it sound easier than it was. It wasn't easy. It was the worst. Overcoming it was the hardest battle I ever fought. There were so many demons and they were so regenerative that when I'd cut the head off one it grew back faster than a lizards detached tail. Clinical Depression is probably like alcoholism it can't be completely cured only held in check. I can promise you this, though, it will never get its hands around my throat again. It might get close enough to scratch me, but never near enough to cause a bleeding wound.
Odd. No one's ever asked me these three questions before. I don't mind talking about any aspect of it, because I know there are others out there that can benefit from my success in dealing with it. Chronic depression is far more common than anyone might think. Love, as ever. Rod
LOOKING FOR A FRIEND?
I'm wondering where I can obtain a copy of a poem you wrote probably in the late 60's entitled 'Friends'? Can I locate text of your poems on-line? Thanks for you time.
Samuel Bertoni
Dear Samuel, The work you might be referring to is the title poem from "Looking for a
Friend". All of these Flight Plans are archived so if I've published a poem or song lyric online you can track it down.
"Looking for a Friend" was featured on April 11, 1999. The archive link at the bottom of this page will track it down for you. Cheers, Rod.
THE NETHERLANDS
I asked in December 1998 for the lyrics of 'Soldiers who want to be heroes' Because i found an original single with the song on it. Thank you for your answer.
Fortunately I found your page again. You wrote me the lyrics of the song and a poem 'The Snows of Amsterdam' now I have another question if you don't mind. Did you ever visit the Netherlands and if so were you in the army? Because our best friends were in the army in the Netherlands, that's why the song crossed my mind.
I'm still very pleased with your answer. Now I have the song and the lyrics, thank you very much. Yours sincerely,
Annemarie van Loo the Netherlands
Dear Annemarie, I've visited your beautiful country many times, for pleasure and for concert tours. While "Soldiers Who Want to be Heroes" was a #1 hit for me in Holland, I never spent any time in the army there.
My service in the United States Army was confined to Japan and Korea. All the best, Rod
DUSTY & DIANNE
Hi Rod, I was just wondering whether you still planned to release some video's this year; I'm particularly thinking of that Special with Dusty Springfield.
The BBC recently screened a great documentary on Diane Warren, with contributions from various celebrity singers, songwriters and producers. I was familiar with her work for some of my favorite artists, Reba McEntire and Gloria Estefan, but I wasn't aware that she had written so many popular songs of the past 15 years or so.
What is your professional opinion of Ms Warren's standing as one of the great American songwriters of popular music?
Best wishes Alex Butler.
Dear Alex, I covered your question concerning Dusty in yesterday's Flight Plan. Guess we're on the same wavelength. Now all that remains is the actual mastering of the tape. Will keep you informed as to when it actually becomes available.
Diane Warren receives high marks from everyone in the music business. One of her specialties is writing songs on demand for films. Producers are hard to please and she always manages to come up with a song that captures the mood and essence of the film.
In a business not known for its appreciation of female songwriters she has established a unique
niche because, like Carole Bayer Sager, she delivers the goods. Warmly, Rod.
TIMES GONE BY
After far too long a time, I'm finally checkin' in. It's way past due. You and I have always been sort of long distance
buddies, (at least in the mind of me) and when you went away for a well deserved rest we the people were the poorer for it. But I'm kinda glad you went away cause you're coming back and as Martha Stewart would say, "that's a good
thing."
A while back when I too joined the computer world I found this site and said "well what do you know, the young heart is back!" I still keep (in a glass case table) the Christmas cards you sent, and the "Ragged Old Heart #1" sketch you did for me many years ago. I think it was in appreciation for that lyric on a birthday card I wrote for you, called "The Birthday People."
I've performed that song many times for folks over the years and always introduce it as the sequel to Rod McKuen's "People On Their Birthdays" song. Some day when you finally do retire I'll send you a rough copy on tape.
Oh yes, the other thing I was going to mention, (and this makes me smile) is the sneaker slippers! I'm afraid that I used the last of my pair to wash the car with last spring?
What about you? Do you remember those things?
I wanted to say that I'm really glad you're going out to tour again. With the world going the way it's going it's nice to have you spreading the love message once again! A little suggestion... I think it would be neat if you ended your concerts with "Times Gone By." A beautiful song then and now! Just a suggestion.
As you can probably tell by this letter I could go on and on. (I sometimes do.) Anyway Rod, I love ya, and wish the best for you and the family. Get plenty of rest and who knows, in no
time at all you might just once again become..." the young heart, leaping in the dark room." Kiss the kitties for me!
Be talkin' to ya in another five or ten years. Maybe even sooner! -love- Dave MacDonald (Canada)
Dear Dave, your letter answers one more "whatever happened to" question for me. A great pleasure to hear from you. I remember everything you spoke about and more.
Odd that you mention "Times Gone By," I'm just completing a collection of songs I've written and sung over the years that deal with age. In addition to Times Gone By, it will include Take Me Home Again, Rusting in the Rain, Many Summers Ago, The Ivy That Clings to the Wall, About The Time, In All The Years of Loving You, And to Each Season and three Johnny Mercer songs; When the World Was Young, You Grow Sweeter As the Years Go By and
Once Upon A Summertime.
Poems will include "I Always Knew" and "Age Is Better" some new songs and . . . well you get the idea. It's a long list so it will probably end up being a double CD. I don't want to list any more titles here so that a few surprises will remain.
On November 4th I'm singing "September Song" as part of a Kurt Weill Centennial concert & will record it afterward along with "Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most." The title of the album will be "September Songs." What do you think? I'd love to know your thoughts and anyone else's on the idea.
I not only still have my crocheted bedroom slippers (a gift from Dave) but Sunny has taken them over & they are now his security blanket at the foot of my bed.
I didn't like the last line of your letter all that much. Please, let's be in touch more often because I'd rather our friendship
be measured day to day not decade to decade. Love, Rod
FAN MAIL
Dear Mr. McKuen, Though I treasure a good write in my spare time, on the poetry side I am one of the worst-read "writers" I have ever met. Lucky for me, your web site was mentioned in a writing Group I frequent, so I decided to take a look. I'm taking it slow, but I just wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying myself.
Oh dear, it looks like I have gone and written fan mail. Sometimes these things just happen. Thank you, Melissa Alliston
Dear Melissa, Thanks for the nice letter and good luck with your writing. Hey, there are worse things than writing fan mail. I do it all the time. If somebody does something I appreciate, I like to write and tell them so. Cheers, Rod.
Don't forget that tomorrow Ken presents his weekly feature "This One Does It For
Me". I'll be back on Thursday. Sleep warm.
RM 10/23/2000 Previously unpublished.
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