16th & 17th September, 2004
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Rod 4/16/04 Photo by Billy Iz
A Thought for Today
The poem is in the skin, it is a blemish that will not rub out.
FLIGHT FROM6THE
PAST
THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE SURFER
A recent study, taken over several
years, has concluded that depression and the Internet have a distinct correlation. The
conclusion being that the more time we spend in front of our monitors with our eyes on the
net and our backs to our friends and family, the more likely we are to be depressed and
despondent. I believe the study is probably right on the mark. In fact, I don't doubt any
of the findings for a minute.
Who among us computer geeks hasn't experienced feelings of guilt about neglecting and even
losing contact with friends, family and even pets because the net experience is such a
private, and yes, let's admit it, addictive experience. Life-mates and friends do feel and
get neglected. I had a cat that felt so left out he made his point by pissing on my hard
drive. I got the message. An old friend, Robyn Whitney (she was the first one to encourage
me to have a website) has a great photo of one of her pusses perched on top of her CPU
monitor. Trust me, it wasn't because her favorite feline felt it was warm up there, he
just wanted some attention from his favorite non-cat.
Of course, why limit the behavior of loved ones' misunderstandings toward each other to
the net? As a lifelong record collector I've felt obliged to sneak many a purchase from
Tower Records past a mate or so who not only wasn't into music but felt my extravagant
behavior toward collecting [why bother with a steak when for the same money you can get a
Jo Stafford or Jeri Southern album] was obsessive, even perverted. And don't women have
the same problem with shoes, or when the husband asks about a new dress the reply has to
be, "Oh, this old thing? It's been in the back of my closet for years." What
about the guy who sinks his extra time and money into cars and forgets anniversaries? The
poor son of a gun will never have any peace.
As someone who has had, and overcome for now anyway, a long bout with clinical depression
I know a lot about the reaction of friends and family to what they term 'odd behavior'.
Compulsion? I'm compulsive about everything that really catches my eye. If I get into
Daylilies I have to know all there is to know about them, even learn to pollinate and
breed my own varieties. Old English Sheepdogs? Why settle for one when you have room for
four? Cashmere sweaters? Do you know how many colors they come in? Computer fonts? He who
dies with the most fonts wins. I'll win. Before I discovered the real, value for money,
P22 Type Foundry, Adobe used to send me love letters. A sudden turn on for Mahler? Better
to have all 20 boxed sets of his symphonies, than just one.
All of these hobbies/compulsions cost big bucks and lots of time. Contrary to popular
belief I'm limited on both accounts, so I'm always living on 'the edge', silently hoping
that a new technology won't come along that I just have to be involved in. Enjoy my share
of booze & sex, thank God I'm not addicted to either or I'd end up as a bartender in a
whorehouse.
I've met some very nice people on 'The Net' and don't regret a moment spent on it. OK,
could have done without a few of those IM's, but I have friends, real friends, I wouldn't
have gotten to know without my Mac & my passport to the great unknown. Have I met the
love of my life here? Who knows?
I can't help but wonder, though, if the study and the questions asked shouldn't have been
about guilt and escape as opposed to mood and depression. All of us feel guilty and are
made to feel so by ignoring those we love. Each of us, including those who bitch the most
about lack of attention, needs escape. If the relationship is strong enough it can
withstand the guilt and relish in the escape. Still, try and explain that to the party
being ignored. Or, as my equally compulsive friend Wade puts it, "find someone with
the same interests . . . and then your interests change."
Only solution I can see is to drag that partner, probably kicking and screaming all the
way, to his or her own CPU. Encourage them to find out about the joy, knowledge, real fun
and independence to be found on the net. Of course you'll still have to sneak those CD's
in the house in a brown paper bag and hide those shoes under the bed till they get the
right amount of dust on them. Will relationships ever be different? I doubt it. But they
will always be worth the guile, guilt and grab-ass you have to go through to make them
work.
- first published September 14, 1998
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