FRIDAY
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Rod &
Kubby. Photo by Bob Gentry, ©2002 by Stanyan Entertainment Group.
A Thought for Today
While dropping off an unwrapped
children's toy at your local fire station this weekend, don't forget to
take along some cookies, a box of fruit or a bag of popcorn for the
brave men and women who risk their lives daily in this volatile season
of Christmas Tree and short circuit fires. By the way, just to make
their lives a little easier, have you placed your tree in a pan of
water? Finally, for your own safety, remember to turn off the lights on
the tree when you’re while you're out shopping or partying and before
you retire for the night.
PASS IT
MALONG
Yep, It’s Friday the 13th and be warned, the following items will only
contribute to your triskaidekaphobia.
BEST OF THE WORST
Jane sent me this all too familiar scenario with its great payoff line. It
made me grin a lot.
IN FLIGHT CONVERSATION
Two strangers are sitting in adjacent airplane
seats. One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will
go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes
off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"
The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about Nuclear Power?"
The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting
conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a
deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big
patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"
The first guy says, "I don't know."
The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're
qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"
THE OLD MAN & THE POND
Dear Rod, this must be the time of the year for jokes. This one came to me
today. Best wishes, Janice.
‘Nuff said, Janice.
OLD AGE WILL TRIUMPH
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and
fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard
voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a
bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end
of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until
you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or
make you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the alligators."
Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.
AND ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR PUNS QUITE JOLLY
My old friend Rose is just that, a dear old friend – but as this item
indicates she has no shame.
THE SANITY CLAUSE
Mrs. Santa Claus was seeking a divorce and an
incredulous judge asked her to explain her marital problems.
"It's that happy, jolly stuff, all year long," she said. "It drives me
crazy!"
"All year? Why, I thought Santa's work was only in the winter," said the
judge.
"Sure, but in summer he takes up gardening," Mrs. Santa replied, "and then
it's hoe, hoe, hoe, all over again!"
WHO IS STEVE McQUEEN?
Bellingham provided this one.
A LISTING LIST
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin
puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of
this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this years list:
The people who started college this fall (2002) across the nation were
born in 1984. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", "de
plane Boss, de plane".
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
(After reading this list my comment to Bellingham was, “And though they
were born in 1984 they have no idea who “Big Brother" is. His retort,
“They should, they elected him.”)
FROM THE OLD SOD
Dear Rod – this one tickled me. :-) Hope your stay in SF was good! BJ.
Indeed it was BJ, indeed it was.
PADDY’S
PROBLEM
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like
he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is
broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What
happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O’Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little twit, O’Connor?" says Sean. "He couldna doon that to ya, he
must a' had somethin' in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin'
he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Dinna ya have
somethin' in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O’Connor’s left breast, and a thing of
beauty it was too, but useless in a fight."
So much for all that. Join me tomorrow when I’ll have something (?) for
Saturday. Sleep warm.
RM 12/12/2002 4:07 PM PST
A FINAL WORD
As I write this on Thursday afternoon, President Bush (after taking a week
to think it over) has finally mildly condemned Senator Trent Lott’s
bigoted birthday remarks. Fine. But am I the only one who finds the
continued silence on this matter by Mr. Lott’s fellow Republicans more
than a little deafening?
RM
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