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Rod & Sunny: Photo by Bob Gentry 8/5/1999

A Thought for Today

Enjoy the present. The future usually takes care of itself.

 

No walking under ladders today, please. That's our job. Here's some of what was found after emerging from the other side.

IT MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO YOU, BUT . . . 

Sharon A. Sewell writes:

"Whoever decided to create this note and forward it on should receive some type of humanitarian award. It says it all!" 

I agree and so will you.

STUFF TO REMEMBER WHEN E-MAILING

1. Big companies don't do business via chain letters. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. Proctor and Gamble is not part of a satanic cult or scheme, and its logo is not satanic. MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward something to the most people. The Gap is not giving away free clothes. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true."

2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, see: 

http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm

And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories." None have. That's "none" as in "zero." Not even your friend's cousin.

3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe.
And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: 

http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html

Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

4. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?

5. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm that an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try: 

http://www.norton.com

and even then, don't forward it. We don't care. And you cannot get a virus from a flashing IM or email, you have to download it....ya know, like, a FILE!

6. There is no gang initiation plot to murder any motorist who flashes headlights at another car driving at night without lights.

7. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.

8. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim
the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. (Think Cut and Paste) It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">>>" that begin each line either. Besides, if it has gone around that many times we've probably already seen it.

9. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc) in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is no longer a "little boy" either.

10. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in response to the large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation. It is distracting them from the important work they do. Also, the American Cancer Society does not give 3 cents for each person you forward e-mail to. They ask for you to donate money, they don't give it, as if they could know how many e-mails you sent out...sheesh.

11. If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forwards anything that "promises" something bad will happen if you "don't,"-- then something bad will happen to you if I ever meet you in a dark alley.

12. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, but forwarding an e-mail won't help their cause in the least. If you want to help, contact your local legislative representative, or get in touch with Amnesty International or the Red Cross.

13. As a general rule, e-mail "signatures" are easily faked and mean nothing to anyone with any power to do anything about whatever the competition is complaining about.

14. KFC really does use real Chickens with feathers and beaks and feet. No, they really do. Why did they change their name? In this health conscious world, what was KFC's name? Kentucky FRIED Chicken. FRIED is not healthy. So with the help of a focus group, they changed the name to KFC. It's short, doesn't offend dieters and it's easy to remember.

15. Another thing, just because someone said in a message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.

PS: There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long distance companies to charge you for using the Internet.

Bottom Line... composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls of a public restroom. Don't automatically believe it until it's proven false...ASSUME it's false, unless there is proof that it's true.

Now forward this to everyone you know or the program I just put on your hard drive while you read this E-mail will open up your CD-ROM and reach out and slap you upside the head!

PS 

(Editors Note: To the above I would like to add that the leader of The Atheist Movement, Madelyn Murray O'Hara has been missing and presumed dead for several years. Therefore it's quite impossible that she is suing CBS to have "Touched By An Angel" removed from the airwaves. Trust me, as long as the ratings are there, "Touched" will be there. And, the ratings are swell enough that you needn't start taking up a collection for Della, Roma and company. RM) 

WISHING? WELL!

Hugs and Molly sent this joke.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well. The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter.

Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also. Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns.

The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims, "HOLY SHIT, IT WORKS!!!"

MISFORTUNE COOKIES

Sharon strikes again:

"These are soooo......bad, but funny (if your mind is warped enough)!" 

She said it, I didn't.

CHINESE PROVERBS

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


PLEASE DON'T BREAK THE CHAIN

"This one really broke me up. Very, very witty, though politically incorrect! Do NOT, repeat, do NOT forward it to any women! Much love Stray girl....errr.... Star something."

UNLESS YOU USE A SLEDGE HAMMER

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then, bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, remove his name from the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping.

REMEMBER: this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but, DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again.


(Alas Stargirl neglected to send me the list, but add your name anyway . . . It's gotta start somewhere}

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?

This came courtesy of Dogs 103. Keep it under your mousepad, you never know when it might come in handy.

NICE WAYS TO CALL SOMEBODY STUPID

A few clowns short of a circus

A few fries short of a Happy Meal

An experiment in artificial stupidity

A few beers short of a six pack

Dumber than a box of hair

A few peas short of a casserole

Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box

The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl


ANYBODY GOT A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD

"Hello, Rod! Here are some mighty STRANGE-BUT-TRUE U.S. LAWS, but after reading them, I couldn't help but think that stranger than the laws were the needs to create them."
Sherilyn Bottoms


STRANGE LAWS

A Cotton Valley, Louisiana law forbids cows and horses from sleeping in a bakery.

In California, it is illegal to hunt whales from your automobile. It is also against the law to use your dirty underwear as a dust rag.

It's illegal to sleep with chickens in Clawson City, Michigan.

In Wisconsin it is illegal to walk your elephant without a leash.

It's illegal to pawn your wooden leg in Delaware.

Goats can't legally wear trousers in Massachusetts.

In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting
license.


Gee, they make sense to me.


See you tomorrow with some Saturday Stuff. Drive safely, it's the weekend. Sleep warm.


                         RM 10/11/2000 Previously unpublished

notable birthdays

Sukkor Begins at Sundown

Karen Akers o Lenny Bruce o Lacy J. Dalton o Laraine Day o Art Garfunkel o Frank Gilroy o Cliff Gorman o Herblock o Nancy Kerrigan o Lily Langtry o Yves Montand o Marie Osmond o Molly Pitcher o Kelly Preston o Irene Rich o Nipsey Russell o Paul Simon o Art Tatum o Margaret Thatcher o Pamela Tiffin o Burt Tillstrom o Robert Walker o Cornel Wilde o Demond Wilson

And a very special Happy Birthday to a special woman in my life, Anita Kerr.

Rod's random thoughts To love somebody truly, it is not necessary to be false to all other relationships.

Friendship never wears a mask. It removes the necessity for masquerading and false faces.

Fear has many faces. Don't let one of them be yours.

FIRST YOU TAKE A LIVE GOAT

Maybe those old emperors
with mechanical canaries
                      had it right.
Turn on the music
only when you have to.
Don't make a habit
of desperation. Or both.

Life
seems to be a little like
authority - always too much
or too little. Overbearing,
and never there when needed.
Always laughable
but never funny enough
             to laugh at.

                               -
from "Intervals," 1986
1977, 1986, 2000 by Stanyan Music Group & Rod McKuen. All Rights Reserved
Birthday research by Wade Alexander o Poetry from the collection of Jay Hagan o Coordinated by Melinda Smith
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